ALA, Going to

Don't feel guilty about spending your library's money to travel to ALA. It is the one time of year when your colleagues and staff actually get to enjoy the peace and tranquility of the library without you in it. Everyone will agree that that is money well spent.

Embarrassment, Avoiding

Never let your mother find out that your library has an Instant Messenger service at the reference desk.

Jobs, Helping people find

Libraries can make themselves relevant during tough economic times by hosting resume writing workshops and job fairs. Your recently laid-off library staff and unemployed new library school graduates will thank you for helping them get jobs at McDonald's.

Up, Warming it

A good reference librarian should be courteous to his or her colleagues by warming the seat of the chair at the reference desk during a shift. Your fellow librarians will thank you for the posterior warmth your inactivity provides.

Be careful not to take this advice too far... no one wants to sit in a sweat-soaked seat. If your ass sweats when you answer reference questions, bring a towel.

Up, Beaming yourself

It is never, under any circumstances, appropriate for a librarian to come to work dressed in a Star Trek uniform.